"Before I go: Letters to Our Children about What Really Matters" by Peter Kreeft. Kreeft wrote this book for his children. It's basically a little journal entry that gives advice, wisdom, etc.. that his kids will read when they are old enough.
Dave had this book. I kinda scan through the book to see what it was about. There was this one entry that kinda struck me. I was just wondering what your thoughts were on this topic:
"One-Word Advice for Marriage"
"The most frequent complaint troubled couple bring to marriage counselors is: 'We don't love each other anymore.' The answer to it is a single word: 'Do.'
Love doesn't happen, like rain. You do it.
But isn't love a feeling? No. That's like saying a flower is a smell."
I guess I kinda agree with this statement. A lot of people say that they know that they are in love by the fluttering feeling they get when they see their significant other. But if love is based on the feeling then does that mean when you're angry at the person, that you don't love them?
So I decided to look at the big-daddy verse of the bible about love...
" 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." -1 Cor 13: 4-7
It doesn't say anything about feelings. Love is an action. It's a commitment. A lot of people love this verse. I love it too, but it's also a hard verse for me to read. I mean...there is NO exception on who we love. We are called to love everyone even those that get on our nerves, those that are unkind to us, those that hurt us, those that seems impossible to love. This calling is just so out of the ordinary. I mean, the world tells us if someone has wronged us...hurt them back! Make them pay! But God calls us to be the opposite. Show grace. God has shown us grace even when we don't deserve it.
So...loving your significant is a commitment. Being patent and kind even when you both don't feel like it. Being selfless and humbled even when your human nature wants to do the opposite. Love is build on the foundation of trust. Love is hard work.
I think having the "Lovey-Dopey" feeling can occur. It can be a blessing but be careful! Sometimes it's a curse. Sometimes being in this stage can make you 'photoshop' the person (as in clean out the blemishes and make it look better than what she/he really is) or blind to the 'red-flags' in the relationship and cause you heartache later on. Be careful not to make your feelings take control of the relationship.
Hmm I'm curious to hear what you guys think... Do you think Love is a feeling or a commitment?
How dare you not inform me that you have a blog?
ReplyDeleteNow, after reading this post and getting over my initial disdain of not being informed of your blog...I can comment on the actual content...
ReplyDeleteI agree! It reminds me of the verse "If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same." (Luke 6:32-33)
Because often times "sinners" aka pagans or the unsaved only are "loving" if they FEEL like it. But we are COMMANDED to love which disregards our feelings. God says we should LOVE mercy and be a CHEERFUL giver, He likes if our feelings coincide but not having the feeling does not get us off the hook for the command. also sometimes the feeling follows the action, not the other way around. also, we can be motivated by our love for God not the people themselves.
I see love in kind of the same way as "Joy" when we talk about feelings. love is manifested in kind actions, but it is much deeper-seated state of being that kindness, in the same way we can be "sorrowful, yet always rejoicing" because joy is so much deeper state of being than happiness...you can have love and joy without superficial feelings (but they are DEEPER more permanent...'feeling')
Wowzers so I have something to say on that topic I guess!
interesting quote from Ravi Zacharias sums up...
ReplyDelete“Love is as much a question of the will as it is of the emotion. And if you WILL to love somebody, you can.”
Yay! Somebody finally commented on my blog! :D :D
ReplyDeleteYeah. I agree. I used to think that there was something wrong with me when there was people that wasn't loving towards me and I didn't feel like loving them. I was panicking that God's love was not in me. But now I realized that it's much more than that. It's an decision. That's what set Christians apart from sinners (as least it should)...in their decision to love the loveable and 'un-lovable' even when you don't have the warm-fuzzy feelings!
Last semester I had cross cultural communication class...it was interesting because in some cultures the divorce rates are low because they believe commitment comes first before feelings. In Taiwan, the divorce rate is extremely low because they believe in dating the person 4-5 years before getting married to triple check that they made the right decision. Commitment comes first before feelings. I think they're onto something. Commit and the feelings may or may not follow.
I kind of agree... love is a decision. A choice, I guess... But maybe love can't be put in a box. "God demonstrates His love toward us in this way: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." To call it a commitment doesn't do it justice; it still seems like something else, something... "other." I mean, if it said "God demonstrates His commitment toward us" it wouldn't have nearly the same punch.
ReplyDeleteI believe that you can choose to love someone, and you can commit to loving someone... and love is a verb, but we see in I Corinthians 13 that if we do all the "verb" things, like give stuff away and such but don't have love, it doesn't count. Does that make love a state of being? But God is love... (love is not God, however...) I think love is a gift from God to us; I suppose it is something that makes us human (made in God's image). The ability to love comes from God, as a gift.
Come to think of it, I think it's like the plant in that David Crowder*Band video "[SMS] Shine"... Maybe I should post that essay I wrote yesterday on my blog, or at least part of it.